


Reality Bites

by alexlovesolivia



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-30
Updated: 2021-01-17
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:47:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 17,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26723878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alexlovesolivia/pseuds/alexlovesolivia
Summary: It's the last day of school in 1992 and Alex is finally going to tell Olivia how she feels...if only she can get five minutes alone with her.
Relationships: Olivia Benson/Alexandra Cabot
Comments: 21
Kudos: 27





	1. From Zero to Mixtape

Alexandra Cabot glanced at the clock radio on her nightstand that was now blaring a song from a local Top 40 station. Alex had never particularly liked that song, but now that it had startled her awake at 4 a.m., she liked it even less. 

Before the start of her freshman year, Alex tried to make herself feel better about starting high school by reminding herself that there were only 720 school days until graduation. 719 of those days were now behind her and that morning she was going to get ready for the 720th and final day of her high school career.

She wanted to shut off her alarm and wake up at 6 like usual until she remembered the reason why she was getting up so early. Her friends were due to arrive in an hour to watch the sunrise from the deck in her backyard. It had been a tradition of theirs for the past three years －the morning of the first day of school they’d get together to talk about their plans for the year and what they were most looking forward to and the last day was to celebrate all they had accomplished and how far they’d come over the past nine months.

The dreaded alarm clock read 4:07 when Alex finally got out of bed thanks, in part, to a song that she and her best friend Serena used to sing along to whenever it was on the radio in either her or Serena’s car. Alex had felt so free the first time she heard it. She had just gotten her license and her parents had let her and Serena drive around town to celebrate. Two years had passed since that moment, but it felt like a lifetime for Alex. 

Friends had come and gone since then, but she knew the ones who remained would be her friends for life regardless of the distance that college would put between them. 

The first to arrive at her house was Casey Novak. Casey had been her friend since the two of them were on their middle school debate team. As pre-teens, their school didn’t allow students to debate any controversial topics, so their assigned topic ended up being about whether or not fairytales affect children’s perception of reality. Casey and Alex may have only been in sixth and seventh grade at the time, but they had a feeling that they were assigned a fairytale topic because they were girls, so they decided to give it their all and present the argument that fairytales limit girls and affect  _ adults’ _ perception of what girls are truly capable of. Their debate sparked a short-lived movement among their female classmates, but the only true change that resulted was the fact that Casey and Alex were given detention for the very first time. Casey considered them political prisoners and attempted to take the matter to the school board before Mr. and Mrs. Novak pleaded with their daughter to just accept the one hour of detention. Casey told them she was going to accept her punishment because of what her parents said, but in reality it was because the district office was too far for eleven-year-old Casey and twelve-year-old Alex to travel by bike. It was because of that project that Alex and Serena’s twosome became a trio and the three of them had been inseparable ever since . 

That same eleven-year-old girl was now an incoming senior and it was evident by the ensemble she was wearing. As was tradition, most (if not all) incoming senior girls were wearing blue t-shirts with ‘Seniors ‘93’ printed on them. There was still one day left at that school for the Class of 1992, but as far as the ‘93-ers were concerned, the school was already theirs and they were ready to assert their dominance over all the other classes, particularly the incoming freshmen.

Serena Southerlyn was the next to arrive, clad in the uniform of a private school ten miles away from their neighborhood. Serena had lived across the street from Alex ever since her family moved into the neighborhood from Connecticut when Serena and Alex were seven-years-old. Although Serena and Alex had attended the same school and even managed to be in the same classes, an encounter with a girl on her tennis team led to everything changing for the two of them. Mr. and Mrs. Southerlyn had always considered themselves to be liberal and open-minded, but after they caught their daughter kissing another girl, it was a mere two weeks before she was pulled out of school and forced to attend a private school a couple of towns over in hopes that a change of scenery would cure her even if it meant missing out on her junior and senior year with her friends. The entire situation was a running joke among their group. How Mr. and Mrs. Southerlyn thought sending their lesbian daughter to an all-girls school would stop her from liking girls was beyond all of them, especially because it was at that school that Serena met her current girlfriend Abbie Carmichael, but when the jokes subsided, the reality of her parents’ actions dawned on all of them. Serena was their daughter, and Mr. and Mrs. Southerlyn were willing to do anything they could to keep her from being who she truly was. 

Mr. and Mrs. Southerlyn had always wanted their daughter to go to Yale－their alma mater－but Serena now wanted nothing to do with the future they had planned for her. She wanted to pave her own way and－for Serena－that meant leaving their quiet New England small town for northern California so she could attend Berkeley. She would be living just outside of San Francisco and she knew it was a place she could finally be free from the girl her parents wanted her to be.

Alex knew she’d be saying goodbye to her best friend in three short months, but her goal that summer was to forget about the distance that would soon be between them and focus on having as much fun as she possibly could with her friends while they were still in the same town.

“Connie is bringing Olivia,” Casey brought to their attention when they were preparing refreshments in the kitchen. 

Those four words caused Alex to nearly drop the cups of silverware she was holding and remind her of the other goal she had. Olivia had been her crush since the first time she laid eyes on her in AP English class that past September. She had found out Olivia had moved from Manhattan to their small town in late August. English had never been Alex’s favorite subject, but that fifty minute class period soon became the highlight of her day for the sheer fact that Olivia participated more than any other student, which gave Alex the opportunity to get to know her through her insights on literature. She knew that Olivia’s mom was an English lit professor at Columbia University and where Olivia stood politically－things she revealed in class discussions－but throughout that entire nine-month period of being in the same class, Alex couldn’t gather the nerve to make small talk with her to ask her how her weekend was or even compliment one of her outfits. Olivia was confident, but not cocky, and her burgundy lipstick, dark nail polish, and unbuttoned flannels over tank tops were unlike anything worn by their other female classmates. She was a mix of grunge and glam and Alex saw her style as a type of sophistication that came from growing up in a metropolitan area－kind of the way her good friend Connie Rubirosa could put together any outfit and make it work for her because she had the confidence and the know-how that came with growing up in Los Angeles. Just when Alex was starting to wonder if that burgundy lipstick rubbed off when Olivia was kissed, she remembered that her two best friends were waiting for some type of response from her. “Olivia  _ Benson _ ?” she asked nervously.

“There’s no other Olivia at our－I mean  _ your _ school,” Serena reminded her. She grabbed the cups of silverware from Alex and placed them on the table next to the bagels and fruit platter that the three of them had set up.

“Olivia can’t come here.” Alex started to panic. “I’m not ready for her. This is not how this was supposed to happen.”

Serena grabbed one of the juice boxes they had set on the table and struggled with taking the straw out of the wrapper. “How was this supposed to happen?”

Alex took the still-wrapped straw from her friend and took it out of the plastic wrapping. “I made her a mix-tape and was going to－”

“No!” Casey and Serena said in unison, Serena’s eyes widened and Casey covered her face with her hands and shook her head.

“You’ve never even had a full-on conversation with Olivia,” Casey reminded her.

“Alex, you can’t just go from zero to mix-tape,” Serena pointed out. “You have to flirt with her. You have to compliment her. At the very least, you have to have an actual conversation with her.”

“I don’t even know how to flirt,” Alex confessed. 

“It’s easy,” Serena responded. “I can show you. First, what do you like about her?”

“Physically...everything,” Alex gushed. “Her smile, the way her hair isn’t quite long enough to put in a high ponytail so little strands in the back get loose from her scrunchie, and since the weather has been hot she’s been wearing a tank top and shorts and I－”

“You need a girlfriend,” Casey interrupted her.

“Isn’t that the point of this?” Alex asked in a confused tone of voice.

“I think she means you  _ need  _ a girlfriend,” Serena reiterated. “You are wound up way too tight, Alex. Yes, you’re valedictorian and, yes, you got into Harvard, but tomorrow is the start of summer break and you can relax now. I went through a lot the past couple of years and I didn’t like having to leave my friends and my school, but getting into bed with Miss Tall, Tan, and Texan a couple of times a week definitely helps. Not to mention, she’s my girlfriend and every day I’m with her, I fall in love with her even more and every time Abbie and I kiss I feel like I’m so  _ hers _ and she’s mine. When I’m with her, there’s nowhere else I’d rather be and, if you take the first step and talk to her this morning, you can eventually have that with Olivia.”

“Oh, barf,” Casey responded. She took a sip from her juice box and then set it down, prepared to impart some wisdom on her friends. “That might be all fine and good for Serena and Miss Texas, but some of us are normal and Olivia seems normal. What you have with Olivia could be like the relationship I have with Tony. Yes, he’s my boyfriend and I love him and I know he loves me, too,, but our relationship isn’t based on some kind of fairytale. You  _ do _ remember our history with fairytales, right, Alex? Tony and I have the same hobbies and we have a lot of fun together and we can sleep together without it being some kind of overly sappy experience like Serena here. We’re confident enough in our relationship to not have to say ‘I love you’ every five seconds and I think Olivia is going to prefer it that way, too. She doesn’t seem like a hearts and flowers type of girl. Anything too sappy could scare her away.”

“Regardless, Olivia should be here any second now,” Serena pointed out. “You’re beautiful and smart and fun to be around, Alex. Just be yourself and Olivia will be yours in no time.”

“What if she’s not even gay?” Alex asked nervously. “What if we’ve been wrong this whole time and she has a boyfriend back in Manhattan?”

“I saw her slug Tim in the arm after he said she shot free throws like a girl,” Casey pointed out. “Not like a flirtatious little tap and then giggle. She full on slugged him in the arm and then proceeded to sink the next three pointer. Trust me, she’s gay.”

“Okay, what language are you speaking?” Serena asked. “Translate it for those of us who aren’t tomboys. The only thing in that sentence that interested me is ‘she’s gay.’”

“Casey, you’re good at sports and you’re straight,” Alex reminded her. “That little anecdote of yours doesn’t tell me if Olivia is gay or straight.”

“Well, maybe not,” Casey shrugged. “But she hangs out with Tim and Brad and Travis and those guys and－”

“Jock Tim or Sketchy Tim?” Serena interrupted.

“Jock Tim,” Casey responded.

Serena seemed pensive. “Skater Brad or Stoner Brad?”

“Definitely Skater Brad,” Casey told her before turning to Alex. “Olivia knows how to grind and kickflip. She’s so...cool. I think I might even have a crush on her.”

“I don’t think that’s the grind Alex is interested in,” Serena smiled. “But, Alex, I’m sure Olivia would much rather grind on  _ you. _ ”

“What I was trying to get at before I was interrupted by our favorite girl-obsessed nymphomaniac,” Casey glared at Serena. “...is that Olivia is totally gay and I know this because Connie and I did some reconnaissance for you. We observed her with her friends and we heard her talking about girls in general but we made sure she wasn’t flirting with any girls. Plus, Connie told me that last night her boyfriend heard from Michelle Anderson who heard that Skater Brad said that Jock Tim told him that Olivia said there was a girl in her English class that she thinks is cute. And that’s why Connie invited her over to your house this morning.”

“But there’s twelve other girls in our English class,” Alex pointed out. “What if I’m not the girl she’s referring to?”

“I know you’re the valedictorian, but you are absolutely  _ clueless _ when it comes to love,” Serena teased her. “You and Olivia aren’t friends, so why would she be coming to your house this early in the morning if she  _ didn’t  _ have a crush on you? Before the sun rises, I want you to ask her to hang out in the park with us after school and, before we leave the park, you’re going to ask her to go somewhere－anywhere－just the two of you and, before the night is through, you’re going to kiss her and not a kiss on the cheek, Alex. I want you to call me when you get home and tell me that you made out with Olivia.”

Alex chewed on a grape while trying to register what her friend had told her. “So, let me get this straight. You say I can’t go from zero to mix-tape, but yet I can go from zero to making out?”

“I hope your parents are getting you calling cards for your going away present because Boston to Berkeley is one hell of a long distance bill,” Serena reminded her. “And you are going to need my advice every step of the way when it comes to dating in college.”

Alex covered her face with her hands. “College didn’t even cross my mind. I’ll be at Harvard. I don’t even know what school Olivia is going to this fall. What if she’s thousands of miles away?”

Casey stuck the straw in her second juice box. “She’s going to Hudson. That’s not that far away. And I heard from  _ Sketchy  _ Tim who heard from Beer Pong Brian that－”

Before Casey could even finish her story, the girls were startled by the sound of the doorbell ringing.

Alex looked down at her outfit and the Harvard t-shirt and denim shorts that seemed okay thirty minutes ago when she thought she’d be sitting outside with just her friends suddenly made her feel like she wasn’t putting in enough effort.  _ Why didn’t I wear a cute summer dress _ ? But with no further time to prepare, Alex asked Casey and Serena if she looked okay and then made her way over to the door.  _ You can do this, Alex. She wouldn’t be here at 5:30 a.m. if she wasn’t interested in you... _  
  



	2. The Marked Man and Brainiac Barbie

Olivia hit the snooze button three times before waking up at 4:15. It was the last day of school and the end of a chapter in her life that she had been eager to close. For the past nine months, she felt as if she had been living a life that wasn’t hers. The spacious bedroom in a ranch-style house in a small town wasn’t the same as her cramped bedroom in the small apartment she and her mom had in Manhattan. The lack of space hadn’t bothered Olivia in the slightest because living in the city meant there was so much to explore and she and her best friend Elliot were always up for adventure. 

The time was now 4:30 and Olivia finally mustered up the energy to get out of bed. She thought about Elliot and her other friends at her old school and how she should have been graduating with them until it dawned on her that－out of the core group of friends she had at her old school－Elliot was the only one who still called her and hung out with her on weekends. Life had gone on for them and waking up before the sunrise to go to Alex’s house was part of her summer goal of making life move forward for herself.

Olivia had never met a group of girls who willingly got up at 4 a.m. to get together and watch the sunrise and she wondered what she should wear to such an event. After her shower, she decided on a loose-fitting blue and white tie-dyed shirt that she had cut just short enough for her pierced belly-button to show above the waistline of her denim shorts. Instead of her usual ponytail, she opted to use some mousse to help shape the waves in her hair.

Her plan was to leave before everyone was awake, so there’d be no questions asked, but judging by the noises coming from the kitchen, she knew that was no longer an option. 

“There’s our soon-to-be graduate,” her stepdad said from his usual seat at the kitchen table. “Why are you up so early, Princess?” It was a nickname Olivia hated at first. Never having raised a daughter, her stepdad Bill, had incorrectly assumed all dads called their daughter ‘Princess’ or ‘Pumpkin’ or some other saccharine nickname. Realizing that his step-daughter was more into skateboarding, sports, and grunge music than fashion and stereotypical feminine things, he started using the nickname ironically and it became a running joke between him and Olivia. 

“Just going to a friend’s house,” Olivia said nonchalantly. She took the box of Cap’n Crunch from the center of the table and poured herself a bowl.

“Who?” her step-brother Tim asked from across the table. “You’re a graduating senior and not an incoming senior, so you’re not hazing anyone today and none of our other friends are having anything.” Tim Kranawetter, also known as Jock Tim to the entire student body, had been her step-brother and one of her closest friends since their parents had gotten married the previous summer. If Olivia wasn’t with Elliot, she was with Tim, and although she was grateful that he had shown her the ropes of their small town and gotten her in with his group of friends, it was moments like this one that she wished they weren’t as involved in each other’s lives. “It’s Brainiac Barbie, isn’t it? You're finally making your move? Why didn't you tell me? We're supposed to be bros, Olivia.”

Olivia glared at him, hoping his question would go unnoticed by her mom and her stepdad, but when her mom joined them at the table, she knew the chances of her leaving the house without an interrogation had gone from slim to none.

“Who is this Brainiac Barbie?” Serena asked her step-son, well aware that she’d get more details from him than her daughter.

“Her name is Alex, but me and the guys call her Brainiac Barbie,” Tim responded.

“Alex Cabot?” Bill asked. “I have her in my AP Statistics and AP Calculus classes this year. Smart kid. She’s valedictorian.” Olivia’s stepdad was a math teacher at the same high school that she and Tim attended and, although she had reaped the benefits of living with someone who could help her with her math homework, it dawned on her that he was now another person who would know about anyone she socialized with.

“Brainiac Barbie is a terrible nickname,” Serena told her stepson.

“It’s really not,” Tim pointed out. “Me and the guys just describe her that way because this girl is as close to a Barbie doll as a person can get and she’s a freakin’ genius. Alex is kind of an anomaly.”

“Someone is using an SAT word,” Bill joked.

“But, yeah, she’s built like a model with the looks to match,” Tim added. “She’s a nerd, but she doesn’t act like a nerd. She’s hot, but she doesn’t act like she’s a hot girl. Hot girls who don’t know they’re hot are the most dangerous kind of hot girls. Good luck, Liv, man. Me and the guys are rooting for you to get in there.”

Serena narrowed her eyes at her daughter. “Get in where? Liv, I hope you’re not－” Olivia shoveled one last spoonful of cereal in her mouth, hoping the time spent chewing would help her think of an answer. “Nevermind. You’re eighteen and you’re graduating tomorrow. All I can ask is that you’re careful; however, if you need to talk about anything, I’m always here for you.”

“Thanks, Mom,” Olivia smiled at her, feeling grateful to not have to explain what Tim was referring to. 

“But with that being said,” Serena began. “No matter how old you are, I will continue to say that I  _ do  _ hate that nose ring and belly button ring and I will never understand why your generation insists on getting pierced to make a statement. Just promise me a tongue ring isn’t next.”

Olivia looked down at the multicolor Swatch she was wearing. “As much as I’d love to continue this conversation, I have to pick up Alex’s friend Connie and then we’re going to Alex’s.”

While loading her backpack in the backseat of her car, Olivia double-checked to make sure the essentials were in there: her signature burgundy lipstick, her Walkman with a Nirvana cassette inside, and a few of the school supplies she’d need. It was now 5:15 and she knew she couldn’t stall any longer. That day would be her last chance to tell Alex how she felt and, although she was far from inexperienced when it came to dating girls, it was the first time she felt nervous to even have a conversation with the girl she had a crush on. She thought about the missed opportunities in AP English class when she could have said something－ _ anything _ －to Alex over the course of nine months, but her nerves had always gotten the best of her.  _ You can do this, Olivia,  _ she told herself while driving to Connie’s house.  _ She wouldn’t be inviting you over if she didn’t feel the same way. _

* * *

The next person to arrive after Casey and Serena was Serena’s girlfriend Abbie clad in the school uniform that she and Serena were grateful they’d never have to wear again after that day. Abbie had moved from Texas to their small New York town four years prior but because her parents insisted on sending her to private school, they had never run into her until Serena’s parents took her out of the public high school she had attended with Alex and Casey. Abbie was the product of an investment banker and a former Miss Texas and, although her parents made sure she never went without anything she needed, they used money as a substitute for quality time with their daughter. It had bothered Abbie at first, but now that she was in a relationship with Serena, she was grateful for every second they were out of the house because it enabled her to have uninterrupted time with her girlfriend.

As much as she wanted the person at the other side of the door to be Olivia, seeing Abbie meant she’d have more time to change her clothes. She greeted Abbie with a quick hug before turning around to go upstairs, but unfortunately for Alex, Abbie’s reflexes were faster. 

She grabbed Alex’s arm and gently pulled her back. “Why are you more of an anxiety case than usual? It’s the last day of school, Alex. You have nothing to worry about.”

Alex bit her lip. “I have  _ plenty  _ to worry about. Connie invited Olivia over here. Look how I’m dressed. I’m not prepared for Olivia.”

“Do you wear dresses and heels every day to school?”

“No,” Alex shook her head.

Abbie held onto Alex’s hands. “Then you have nothing to worry about. Olivia has seen you like this before and you look beautiful as always. Just take a deep breath and know that we’re all here with you. If there’s a lull in conversation or you get nervous, we’ll step in.”

Before Alex could even thank her, the doorbell rang again and she hoped by some miracle it would be one of her younger brother Josh’s friends. 

“It’s Connie and Olivia!” Alex said as she looked out the peephole. The mixture of excitement and nervousness in her voice combined with how loud she said Olivia’s name caused Abbie to start laughing.

“I think they heard you.”

“Stay with me,” Alex insisted.

When Alex opened the door, the sight before her rendered her speechless. Her eyes shifted from Olivia’s tousled wavy hair to the nose ring she assumed Olivia had gotten the previous night to the skin showing between the hem of her shirt and the waistline of her denim shorts. Olivia’s shirt wasn’t as cropped as the shirts some of their classmates wore, but what little she was able to see of Olivia’s abs was enough to send her into a fantasy world where that tie-dyed top was on her bedroom floor.

“Hi, I’m Abbie. You must be Olivia,” Alex heard her friend say, snapping her back to reality.  _ I didn’t even say hi to her. I’ve already messed this up. _

“Nice to meet you,” Olivia smiled at her.  _ That smile… _

“Come in,” Alex finally managed to say. “Some of my other friends are already at the seating area on the deck. I’ll introduce you.”

“Why don’t I do the honors?” Abbie insisted. “Come with me, Olivia. If you’re hungry, help yourself. I’m pretty sure Alex, Casey, and my girlfriend set up some kind of platter. They always do.”

Once Abbie and Olivia were outside, Alex could no longer contain her excitement. “You were alone in the car with her. Did she say anything? I need every detail you have.”

“She’s sweet,” Connie began. “We made small talk about school ending and summer plans at first. Then, we talked about a song that was on the radio and I shifted the conversation to you and how you like that song. Honestly, I don’t even know if you like it. I just wanted a way to bring you into the conversation, but it worked! She asked why we hang out before sunrise on the last day of school and, when I told her it was a tradition you started, she said it was cute and…”

“And what?” Alex asked. “Connie, please don’t keep me waiting.”

“And she said  _ you _ are cute,” Connie nearly squealed. “And not in a casual way. She said, and I quote, ‘Alex is cute. She’s the only girl I’ve ever left the house this early for.’ Alex, she likes you. She’s just not going to come out and say it, though. It’s on you, but she’s not this overly sappy girl like Serena and Abbie are with each other. I mean, when they’re apart, they’re normal, but when they’re together it’s ‘I love you’ every five seconds. Just try getting to know her right now while we’re all here and, when you’re alone, tell her you think she’s cute and take it from there.”

“As soon as it’s just the two of us, I’ll tell her,” Alex insisted. “In a few minutes, I’ll come up with some way to get her alone.”

“I’ve got it!” Connie said excitedly. “She drives the coolest car. It’s a Mustang! Once the conversation is going and you’re both comfortable, I’ll find a way to bring up her car. She’ll be excited to talk about it and then tell her you want to see it. When you’re sitting in the car, just the two of you, that’s when you tell her.”

“You make it sound so easy.”

“That’s because it  _ is _ , Alex. Olivia’s beautiful and sweet and she’s here because she likes you.”

Her friends had purposely left an open chair next to Olivia and Alex was delighted to see that Olivia was already talking to Abbie. They were talking about sports, a topic Alex cared little about, but Olivia’s enthusiasm was contagious so Alex listened intently even if she knew nothing of what they were talking about.

“I know why you look familiar now!” Abbie said in the middle of their conversation. “JV Girls Basketball－State Championship 1989－you intercepted my pass, threw a behind-the-back pass to that blonde girl with the French braid who then shot a three-pointer and won the game.  _ You _ , number 15, haunted my dreams for the rest of ninth grade and that was the last basketball game I ever played.”

Olivia took a sip from one of the little juice boxes of apple juice that Alex had set out. “If it’s any consolation, you scared the hell out of me. You were probably the quickest and most aggressive girl on your team. I felt like that interception was pure luck, but why did you quit basketball?”

“I still like playing non-competitively,” Abbie responded. “I just felt as if, when I became a sophomore, I should stick to one sport and better myself at it instead of lettering in multiple sports. I liked track more, so I focused on that. I made the track team at University of Texas, so I guess my plan paid off.”

“NCAA? Congrats!” Olivia said excitedly.

Serena kissed her girlfriend’s hand. “Even if that means we’ll be in different states for the next four years, I’m still so proud of her.”

“Why did you stop playing?” Alex asked Olivia. It was a casual question, but Alex was thrilled that she had overcome her nervousness and started a conversation with Olivia.

“I ended up making varsity at my old school, but when I moved here I didn’t feel like trying out and getting used to a new team and a new coach for just one school year,” Olivia responded. “Besides, I knew it wasn’t my intention to play in college, so I decided to focus on taking the SAT and college applications. I wasn’t in any extracurriculars at this school.”

“You’re going to Hudson, right?” Alex asked, hoping Casey was right about Olivia only being four hours away from her.

Before Olivia could respond, they heard someone obnoxiously honking a horn in Alex’s driveway. 

“Are you expecting someone?” Connie asked Alex.

“Cabot!” They heard a guy shout from the front yard once the honking stopped. “Cabot, get your ass out here!”

Like a bat out of hell, Alex’s younger brother opened the sliding door and came running toward them. “You gotta help me, Alex,” he said frantically as he knelt down next to his sister’s chair. “Hide me. Tell him I’m dead. You can do anything. I don’t care. Tim Kranawetter is out there with a wooden paddle and he’s prepared to kick my ass. I am a marked man, Alex. The devil has come to collect his due.”

Fourteen-year-old Josh Cabot had yet to hit the growth spurt that his sister and their older brother had hit when they were in middle school. He was 5’5” and 115 pounds, but what he lacked in height and weight, he made up for with jokes and smart remarks often at the expense of those bigger and stronger than him.

“Jock Tim is the one hazing you?” Casey laughed. “He wouldn’t tell anyone who he chose, but he said whoever it is had a whole lot of hell ahead of him. Good luck with that, Josh.”

“The guy is a sadist,” Josh said worriedly. “I should never have called him Timberly after he missed that pass.”

“Cabot!” they heard him shout again. “You either get it over with now or spend your entire summer in fear.”

Olivia got up from her chair and motioned for Josh to follow her. “Come on, Josh. Tim’s my step-brother. I’ll talk to him for you.”

Josh kissed Olivia’s hand. “I love you. You are a queen. No, you’re better than that. You are a goddess among mortals.”

Serena rolled her eyes. “I’m not even a guy and I wish  _ I  _ were the one hazing you.”

Remembering what Connie said about asking to see Olivia’s car, Alex decided to join them. “I’ll go with you two.”

Josh clasped his hands together. “Yes, thank you! I have two graduating seniors on my side. You two still hold higher rank than the incoming seniors.”

“Jock Tim is your step-brother?” Alex asked as they were walking through the house on the way to the front yard. “Why didn’t any of us know that?”

Olivia smiled at her. “Because we’ve never talked. But, maybe we can change that?”

Alex felt as if the stars had perfectly aligned for her to ask Olivia to hang out at the park after school just like Serena had told her to. “The girls and I are going to the park after school. Do you－”

“There’s more important issues at hand here,” Josh interrupted. 

The moment she had waited nine months for had now been ruined and she wanted nothing more than to surrender her brother to Tim.

“Josh, just face him,” Alex said in a frustrated tone of voice. “Get it over with. Three years ago, Laura Van Hofwegen kidnapped me and held me captive for twelve hours.”

“You were girl hazed,” Josh reminded her. “Stop making it out to be bigger than it was. Once she got you to her house, you just spent the day with her and her friends, doing each other’s hair and makeup, and now she’s writing you a letter of recommendation for her sorority at Harvard. When guys haze, they’re out for blood.”

“Why don’t I give you a ride to school?” Olivia asked Alex. “That way you can ask me what you were going to ask me and we can actually have some time alone.”

“I’d love to,” Alex blushed. Her mind began to race with thoughts of finally telling Olivia she had a crush on her and holding Olivia’s hand in her car, but she was brought back to reality yet again by her brother urging her to go outside.

When she opened the door, the sight before her was of Jock Tim standing in the front yard, lightly tapping the palm of his hand with a wooden paddle. “Hey, Alex. Where’s your brother?”

“I’ll hand him over to you on one condition,” Alex began.

“Alex, no,” Olivia laughed. “I’ll handle this.” On the way to talk to Tim, Olivia lightly brushed Alex’s back with her fingertips and that slight contact was enough to make Alex’s heart start racing. 

“This doesn’t concern you, Liv,” Tim told his step-sister.

Although she couldn’t hear what they were saying, Alex watched Olivia’s interactions with her step-brother－their playful banter, Tim laughing uncontrollably at something Olivia said and Olivia smiling.  _ She’s actually here and she’s so beautiful. _

As soon as he saw Olivia say goodbye to Tim, Josh came running outside. “Am I off the hook?” 

Olivia scrunched her face. “Not exactly. Tim said he can’t break tradition, but he agreed to go easy on you as long as you let him get you today.”

“I’m going to surrender and he’s not going to take it easy on me,” Josh said worriedly. “Or maybe he will. Should I take that risk? Olivia, my life is in danger. Fallbrook Middle School isn’t that far from the high school. Can you drive me to school and pick me up?“

With that single question, he had just ruined her chances of being alone with Olivia. “No!” Alex glared at him, but Olivia looked at her as if she had no choice.

“Yeah, I can take you,” Olivia responded.

It was an annual tradition in their town for the incoming seniors to haze the incoming freshmen. Each incoming senior would choose one incoming freshman and ‘haze’ them in any way they deemed fit as long as it was within reason. Some incoming freshmen got away with running simple errands or taking a few shots of vodka or tequila. What Josh had in store for him, Alex had no idea, but in that moment she felt as if he deserved it.  _ Serves him right for ruining my moment with Olivia. Forget Tim. I’d haze Josh myself if I could... _


	3. High School Romance and High School Drama

The sun had risen and Alex had yet to invite Olivia to the park. Two pouches of Capri Sun and a bagel later, she thought she had worked up the nerve until Josh came outside carrying a lawn chair that he had picked up from the garage. There was just enough space between her and Olivia to place a chair and that’s  _ exactly  _ what Josh took it upon himself to do. 

“Josh, what makes you think you can sit with us?” Serena asked in a patronizing tone. “Why don’t you go play with my brother?”

Josh shook his head. “We’re not  _ five _ , Serena, and there’s no way in hell I’d go over there by myself. It’s No Man’s Land out there today. For alls I know, Tim Kranawetter could be hiding in the bushes.”

“Pobrecito,” Connie feigned sympathy. “Besides, Josh, your dear friend Matt Southerlyn has probably been kidnapped already. Javi had something pretty elaborate planned for him.”

“I want  _ every  _ detail,” Serena said, her eyes wide in anticipation of hearing what was in store for her younger brother.

“What’s going on in this town?” Olivia asked. “And why do you all want your younger siblings tortured? We didn’t do this type of thing in Manhattan.”

“We didn’t do this in LA either,” Connie added. “The weirdest things happen in small towns.”

“Why do we want our younger siblings tortured?” Alex repeated Olivia’s question while gesturing toward her younger brother. “I give you Exhibit A.” 

“Man, I can’t wait until you’re at Harvard and I don’t have to see you everyday,” Josh told his sister.

“Josh, since I’m doing something for you, I was thinking you can do something for me in return,” Olivia told him. When Alex noticed Olivia wink at him, she wondered what exactly she had in mind.

“Say no more,” Josh responded. He stood up and moved his chair to the other side of Olivia. “Skid row bro. You got my back and I got yours.” Regardless of how many times Alex had tried to explain the concept of quid pro quo to her brother throughout the years, he could never remember the name, but now that Olivia was sitting next to her she no longer cared to correct him. It was far from subtle, but as soon as he moved, Alex decided to scoot her chair closer to Olivia.

“Are you participating in any of this?” Olivia asked Connie. “I noticed you’re not wearing one of the blue shirts.”

“I’m not,” Connie responded. “But Javier, my boyfriend, is. He’s been going on about it for weeks. Casey and her boyfriend are participating, too.”

Casey took a sip from her third pouch of Capri Sun. “We are, but we’re not,” she told Olivia. “I’m really not into hazing and my boyfriend Tony isn’t either. We were all hanging out here last month and the love of Josh’s life－”

“Shut up! She’s one of my best friends. I don’t even look at her that way,” Josh said defensively. 

“Right, so you  _ didn’t _ just forget how to speak that day we were all swimming at Serena’s house and you saw her in a bikini?” Casey teased.

“It’s okay, Josh,” Abbie said to him although she couldn’t take her eyes off of her girlfriend. “I still feel that way every time I see Serena in a bikini.”

“...or without,” Serena responded a little louder than she had hoped.

“You guys!” Connie snapped at them. “There’s a  _ child  _ present.”

“Ignore Abbie and Serena over there,” Casey said jokingly to Olivia. “Like I was saying, Josh’s best friend/love of his life, Amanda, approached me and asked if I’d pick her. I didn’t want Amber or any of those other girls to get her, so I said I’d participate for her sake.”

“Not our little Georgia Peach,” Serena responded. “She’s so cute. I wouldn’t want Amber corrupting her. Yes, she’s popular, but at what cost?”

“I have to do  _ something  _ to haze her, but I’m taking it easy on her,” Casey continued. “I gave her a twenty to do the snack run for this afternoon and then that’s the extent of her hazing. Then I invited her to the park with us after school.”

“Speaking of the park－” Alex began to say. She hadn’t intended on asking Olivia in front of her friends, but she knew her time was limited.

“If Amanda is gonna be there, then I guess I’ll see you ladies at the park, too,” Josh interrupted. 

Alex officially had enough. She took a deep breath. She counted to three. She did everything she could possibly think of to keep herself from yelling at her brother in front of everyone, but before she could get the words out, she felt Olivia’s hand on top of hers. Was it just Olivia’s way of getting her to calm down, she wasn’t sure, but she intended to enjoy every second of it.

“Oh my gosh!” Serena nearly squealed. Alex had hoped her best friend who was experienced with girls would keep her cool, but instead she rushed over to hug Alex. “Don’t try to pretend Olivia’s gesture was subtle. I’m so happy for you!”

“It was supposed to be about as subtle as this entire set up,” Olivia smiled at Serena. When Serena returned to her seat, Olivia went from cupping Alex’s hand to lacing her fingers with hers. “I’ve thought you were beautiful from the moment I saw you on the first day of school,” she said to a now blushing Alex. “I know we never talked at school, so I felt like today was my last chance, and I don’t know what’s going to happen since we’re both leaving for college, but I just had to tell you.”

“Kiss her!” Abbie insisted. 

“Not in front of you guys,” Alex responded, although all she could think about was kissing Olivia. It was something she was embarrassed to admit, but Alex had never been kissed and she fantasized about how she wanted her first kiss to be romantic and she wanted it to be with Olivia.

“Yeah, no way in Hell I wanna watch my sister make out,” Josh said with a disgusted look on his face. “Abbie and Serena on the other hand…”

Casey changed the subject before Josh could get pummeled by his sister or any one of them for that matter. “I hate to leave, but I told Amanda I’d take her to school today, so I have to pick her up. Connie, do you wanna come with?”

“Yeah,” Connie responded. “Thanks for bringing me over, Olivia. I’m so happy for the two of you.”

“My sister is gonna be making out with her girlfriend, so is it okay if I go with you guys?” Josh asked Casey and Connie. “And can you pick me up after?”

“You just wanna see Amanda,” Casey teased. “Admit it.”

“We should get going, too, after we help Alex clean up,” Serena told her girlfriend. “Ready, babe?”

“For our last day at that school? Yes, I’m ready,” Abbie responded. When Alex saw her lean in and kiss Serena, her heart raced at the thought of Olivia kissing her that way.

“You two go ahead so you’re not late,” Olivia told them. “Since Casey is taking Josh, I have extra time. I can help Alex.”

“Gorgeous  _ and  _ thoughtful,” Serena smiled at Olivia. “You should hang out with us after school today.”

Olivia kissed Alex’s hand. “I’m always available for more time with Alex.”

* * *

Being in Olivia’s car made Alex feel like she was in a John Hughes movie. She was riding to school in a sports car with the girl of her dreams and the girl of her dreams just happened to feel the same way about her. Her friends all had boyfriends or girlfriends and romantic moments while she focused all of her energy on becoming valedictorian and had the occasional fantasy where Olivia was her girlfriend and they went on dates every Friday night and kissed in between classes. There might have been only one day left for them to kiss in between classes and Alex wanted to take advantage of every opportunity they had. 

“Your friends are nice,” Olivia told Alex when they were stopped at a red light. “I know you don’t listen to Pearl Jam, so you can change the tape if you want.”

“Is there anything other than grunge?” Alex teased.

“There’s  _ one  _ tape that’s not grunge that I want you to listen to.” Alex was impressed by the way Olivia managed to get a particular tape from the center console and pop it in the tape deck all without taking her eyes off of the road. “I made this tape in the middle of the night last month when I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”

Judging by Olivia’s taste in music, Alex expected some type of gritty, grungy music with lyrics that she couldn’t make sense of, but she was surprised to hear an alternative song that was melodic with lyrics that were heartfelt and poetic. “I didn’t think there was this side of you,” Alex said as she laced her fingers with Olivia’s. 

“If my friends find out, I’ll never hear the end of it,” Olivia smirked. “Your friends are all girls and they’re sweet and they were so happy for you. My  _ close  _ friends are all guys and they’re so obnoxious. All they care about is sex and occasionally sports. They’re all idiots, but they’re my idiots.”

“I made you a tape, too,” Alex confessed. “I was thinking of giving it to you right at the start of our seventh period English class, but my friends said it was a horrible idea. I have it in my backpack.”

“It’s not a horrible idea. You should give it to me,” Olivia insisted. “I’ll listen to it on my Walkman in between classes.”

“My tape isn’t as cool as the one you made. The songs are probably way too Top 40 for your taste.”

“And I’m sure the songs I put on my tape for you aren’t what you usually listen to. What matters to me is that you’re the one who chose them and there’s a reason you chose those songs.”

They pulled into the parking lot sooner than Alex had hoped. With ten minutes left until the bell, Alex knew all that was left was for them to get out of the car and go their separate ways until their seventh period English class. 

“Do you wanna have lunch together?” Olivia asked, bringing Alex out of her train of thought. “I can sit at your table or you can sit at mine.” Alex had always wondered what it was like at Olivia’s table, the popular group headed by 11th grade Tim Kranawetter and a senior that was on the football team with him. There were twenty of them at that long table in the middle of the lunchroom and Olivia’s usual spot was in between Tim and some senior girl on the varsity cheer squad named Jenna Crossley. The infamous Amber and some of the other girls that Casey wanted to keep Amanda away from were at that table and, although they had never given Alex any trouble, she had absolutely no desire to sit with them.

“What if we sit somewhere just the two of us?” Alex suggested.

“Even better. I know the perfect spot. I’ll pick you up from your fourth period class.”

Alex walked hand-in-hand with Olivia from the parking lot all the way to her locker. She had never seen two girls hold hands at their school before and, for four years, she worried about what it’d be like to come out to her peers at her small town high school. “I’m out to my group and they’re okay with it. You’re out to yours. No one else matters, but if you’re worried and you want me to stop holding your hand in public, I’ll respect that and I’ll stop,” Olivia had told her when they entered their school, but she didn’t want her to stop. She  _ never  _ wanted Olivia to stop.

They stood face to face in front of Alex’s locker, both waiting for the perfect opportunity to kiss, but knowing the moment would never truly be right with other students walking the halls. Instead, she opted for a hug and a quick kiss on the cheek from her girl or her soon-to-be girl. 

“Your tape!” Alex said frantically. “I almost forgot.” She unzipped the front pouch of her backpack and handed the mixtape over to Olivia. 

“You wrote ‘Alex + Olivia’ and even colored the cover,” Olivia said excitedly. “I love this. No one has ever done anything like this for me before. I’m sorry I didn’t color yours.”

“Yours has more substance. It doesn’t need to be colored.”

“It’s not about what songs have more substance,” Olivia reminded her. “Yours reflects how you feel and mine reflects how  _ I  _ feel. Seeing as the tape I made is still in my car, I’ll give you something else to remember me by for the next four hours.”

Alex watched as Olivia took a mens’ flannel shirt out of her backpack. The shirt was shades of tan, hunter green, and navy blue. She had seen it on Olivia several times throughout the school year and her heart began to beat in anticipation of feeling that shirt against her skin. “Wear this for me?”

As she put it on, she smelled a combination of fabric softener and ck one. “I never want to take it off.”

“As good as you look right now and as much as I wish we had more time, I have econ on the second floor, so I have to go,” Olivia said as she hugged Alex as close to her as she could. “I’ll pick you up from your fourth period class. Not that I was following you, but I know you’re in my stepdad’s AP Calculus class and he teaches that class fourth period, so that’s how I know where to find you.”

“Olivia, it’s okay,” Alex said, her lips just centimeters away from Olivia’s, although neither of them had yet to work up the nerve to kiss. “You weren’t being a stalker. You were being a cute detective.”

With all of her textbooks turned in, Alex had nothing in particular to grab from her locker, but stopping there had been a force of habit. Her first period class was only a few doors down, so once Olivia had left, she leaned with her back against the lockers trying to commit to memory everything that had happened that morning. 

“Is that Liv’s shirt?” she heard Jenna Crossley ask. The blonde, suntanned cheerleader was in a short, denim miniskirt and a coral colored short sleeve shirt, waiting for an answer. In the four years that they had attended that school, it was the first time Jenna had ever spoken a word to her.

“Yes, she told me to wear it,” Alex responded while she tried to read Jenna’s tone and body language.

“Are you two－”

“We like each other.”

“Got it,” Jenna winked at her. 

“Aren’t you two friends?” Alex asked. “I’ve seen you at the same lunch table.”

“We’re not really friends but we’re...I don’t know,” Jenna hesitated. “Liv and I used to have an arrangement, but we ended it last weekend and now it looks like she has one with you, too. Don’t worry, though. I’m not out to ruin anything for the two of you. She and I were just sex with no feelings involved. You’re gonna enjoy being with her though. She’s so sweet.”

“An arrangement?” Alex asked, still not quite sure how to grasp what Jenna had told her.

Jenna touched Alex’s arm. “Take it from me...whatever she does to you, you’re gonna love it. She’s not into having a girlfriend, so just keep it casual and you’re going to have the best sex of your life.” Alex felt like she had gotten the wind knocked out of her. She had a feeling she wasn’t going to be Olivia’s first kiss, but that’s not the first that was bothering her. “Alex, I’m so sorry. Did you think you were Liv’s first? You  _ do  _ know the reason her mom moved her out of the city, right? And the reason she doesn’t want to get serious with anyone is because she’s moving to Seattle in September.”

“I－I thought she was going to Hudson,” Alex stammered. School was always where Alex had felt the most confident, but in that moment she felt herself falling apart. In a mere two minutes, some cheerleader she had never spoken to before and whom she would never see again after tomorrow had just made her feel as if everything she had wanted with Olivia was all in vain. “What was the reason why she moved here?”

Jenna pulled her compact mirror out of her locker and used it to make sure her lipstick was still neatly applied. Alex never had a reason to dislike her, but as Jenna looked in the mirror, Alex thought about how those very lips and other parts of Jenna’s body had been kissed by Olivia－ _ her  _ Olivia. “Just talk to her, okay? I assumed you and Liv were just hooking up. I didn’t know you had feelings for her.”

As soon as Jenna was out of sight, Alex took off the flannel shirt and shoved it in her locker. For 719 school days, Alex had focused solely on her schoolwork and her best friends, but it was now her 720th and final day and she had experienced both high school romance and high school drama before the first bell had even rung. 

_ You’re not going to cry over a girl, Alex.  _ She thought as she walked to her first period class.  _ Besides, you don’t even like flannel and who cares if Olivia is the most beautiful girl you’ve ever laid eyes on and she made you a mixtape of heartfelt alternative music and she wanted to hold your hand in front of everyone.  _ With that thought in mind, Alex hurried back to her locker to grab Olivia’s flannel shirt.  _ You’re only going to wear this because it’s cold in class and not because it smells like her perfume.  _

Alex walked into her first period class expecting to find nothing out of the ordinary save for her classmates being excited about their upcoming graduation, but instead she saw a single red rose on top of her desk along with a note.  _ ‘There’s going to be a surprise for you in every class to make up for the time we missed out on. I know there’s so much we don’t know about each other but I want to spend the next three months learning everything about you. xo, Olivia.’ _

“That’s so cute,” one of Alex’s classmates said to her.  _ Cute but how did she even manage this? _

...and with that it no longer mattered to her where Olivia was going or where she had been because Olivia was hers even if the summer was all they’d have together. 


	4. The Truth About Olivia

Anonymity was impossible in a small town. Everyone at school knew why Serena Southerlyn had transferred to a private school and why Connie Rubirosa had moved from Los Angeles, but the reason behind Olivia’s move from Manhattan to their small town the summer before her senior year was a mystery and when someone is a mystery, especially a girl, the rumors start to fly. Olivia paid no attention to them and－the ones she did pay attention to－she managed to quickly shut down. Those outside of her social circle were given no reason and those within her social circle were told it was because her mom and Tim’s dad had gotten married. It was the truth－partially. Their parents  _ had  _ gotten married, but Serena Benson’s intentions had been to let her daughter finish her senior year with her friends and hold off on getting married and moving until after Olivia had graduated.

Besides her mother and her stepfather, there were three people who knew the truth about why Olivia had moved. When Tim found out, he high-fived her and congratulated her for getting laid on a regular basis for two years. At the time, he was a sixteen-year-old with only one thing on his mind, but when he heard Olivia crying in her room the first few nights after she moved in, it was then that he understood the repercussions of what had happened to her. He laid down with her on those nights and tried to take her mind off of everything with stupid jokes and sports highlights. Sometimes Olivia talked, sometimes she didn’t, but it comforted her to know that he was there and that he’d always be there.

When her best friend Elliot Stabler found out, his anger had gotten the best of him. He was angry that there was nothing he could do about the situation. If the person who had preyed on Olivia had been a guy, he and some of their other friends would have taken matters into their own hands, or they most likely wouldn’t have had to because legal action could have been taken and the guy who had made Olivia into a shell of her former self would have been behind bars. But since it was a woman who had preyed on Olivia－a squeaky clean, conventionally attractive, wealthy graduate student who had taken advantage of Olivia－it was a gray area and she had gotten away with not even a slap on the wrist.

Olivia was her mom’s pride and joy and for all intents and purposes she was perfect. She was the freshman class president, the star of her JV basketball team, and her report cards never had grades lower than an A-, but what Serena mostly cared about was that her daughter had the shining personality to match. Olivia was kind, funny, and a friend to anyone in need. Serena blamed herself for ignoring the warning signs. She was on track to becoming a tenured professor and she had begun to put in long hours at work. Her daughter’s sudden moodiness and disinterest in her extracurricular activities, she had chocked up to typical teenage behavior and something that all girls go through at one point or another during high school. It wasn’t until the last week of Olivia’s junior year that Serena found out the true reason for the drastic shift in Olivia’s demeanor.

It had started out innocently enough with Olivia hanging out in her mom’s office after school like she always did. She was doing her geometry homework at her mom’s desk when a brunette woman in her mid-twenties walked in to return a book that she had borrowed from Serena. While waiting for Serena to return or－Professor Benson－as the young woman called her, she made small talk with Olivia. Olivia soon found out her name was Fern and she was a PhD student that her mom was advising. She was well-dressed and sophisticated and fifteen-year-old Olivia thought she looked straight out of the pages of a fashion magazine. In the thirty minutes that they waited for Serena to arrive, she asked Olivia about her interests and, when Olivia found out that she had spent the summer in Paris, Olivia was awestruck and had so many questions for her. She told Olivia that she seemed so mature for her age. It was a lie, but at fifteen, Olivia was too impressionable to see through that. Her interests weren’t mature for her age. In fact, when she wasn’t playing basketball or doing her homework, ninth grade Olivia was at the video arcade with Elliot or watching MTV, hoping to catch a New Kids on the Block video. But if someone beautiful and cultured and well-traveled thought she was mature for her age, that was all it took to make Olivia feel like she was truly different from her peers.

“Even your name is beautiful and unique,” Fern told her that afternoon. “Olivia. I bet you’re the only Olivia at your school in a sea of girls named Michelle or Jennifer.”

Just minutes before Serena arrived, Fern gave Olivia a book with her phone number written in it. “Read this book and bring it up at dinner if you ever want to score some points with your mom,” she told her and seeing that phone number written on the front page made Olivia’s heart race. “When you finish the first chapter, call me and we can discuss it.”

“Like a grad school classroom?” Olivia asked, recalling one of the class discussions her mom had let her sit in on the previous month.

“You’re smart enough to be a grad student,” Fern smiled at her, which in turn made Olivia feel like she was walking on air.

Olivia knew at a young age that she was into girls, but at fifteen she had never been kissed let alone experienced anything else with a girl. She finished the first chapter of the book that night and called Fern from the phone her mom had bought her for her 15th birthday. That hour-long phone call turned into them meeting at a cafe the following afternoon and Olivia began to wonder if what she was feeling was the same as some of her female classmates who had a crush on the cute new history teacher at their school who was fresh out of college or if this was something deeper and more meaningful. When Fern kissed her on the cheek after their first meeting at the cafe, Olivia knew it was definitely the latter.

Fern told her that they had to keep their conversations and time together a secret from everyone and, instead of interpreting it as a red flag, the lovestruck Olivia became more intrigued with the thought of having a secret affair. That single meeting turned into meetings a few times a week and phone calls every night, during one of which Fern confessed something that made Olivia feel a sensation she had never felt before.

“I had a few drinks with my friends earlier and, maybe these words are a result of that, but there is something that I want to tell you,” Fern began during one of their late-night phone conversations.

“You can tell me anything,” Olivia responded, not sure where the conversation was headed.

“From the moment I first saw you, I’ve fantasized about what it’d be like to kiss you...every inch of you.”

“I’ve never been kissed,” Olivia said nervously and for lack of any other response.

“Can you come over tomorrow night?”

The next night was a Friday and Olivia knew her mom was going to be working late, so she figured she’d lie and say she was going to Elliot’s house. It wasn’t unusual for her to spend the night at Elliot’s house on a Friday night and, since Serena trusted her daughter, Olivia knew there’d be no questions asked. “I can go after school,” Olivia responded. “I typically spend the night with my best friend Elliot on Fridays so it should be fine as long as I say I’m with him. I’ll just go to his house after I see you.”

“Why?” Fern responded in a tone that made Olivia feel as if she were smiling, although she couldn’t see her. “I have my own place. You can spend the entire night with me.”

On the rare occasions that sex crossed Olivia’s mind, she had imagined her first time happening on prom night or grad night or even in college, but no matter when she had imagined it happening the one common factor was that she’d be with a girl she could call her girlfriend－a girl who loved Olivia just as much as Olivia loved her and it’d be an experience that would bring them even closer together.

If anyone would have told her she’d lose her virginity at the age of fifteen to a twenty-five-year-old woman on a bed with 800 thread count sheets in a trendy loft paid for by her Wall Street executive parents or that she’d lose her virginity the same night that she’d have her first kiss, Olivia wouldn’t have believed it, but there she was in Fern’s bed completely unsure of what she was feeling at that moment. She had never been naked in front of anyone before, but she was too caught up in looking at the woman she was with to feel self-conscious about how she looked.

“Do you know why I’m so attracted to you, Olivia?” Fern asked in between kissing her. “Yes, you’re beautiful, but there are so many beautiful girls in the world. You look like a woman and, when I touch you you feel like a woman, but you’re too young to be jaded. You still have this optimistic outlook on life. When I listen to your opinions, you make me feel as if anything is possible.”

Olivia felt euphoric that night. Fern had done things to her that she didn’t know were possible and it wasn’t long before what she had experienced that night had become a weekly and then almost daily occurrence. Out of fear of getting caught, Olivia wasn’t able to spend the night with Fern as much as she’d like, but she managed to sneak over to her apartment for at least a couple of hours almost every day. She bought Olivia books of positions she wanted to try with her and Olivia spent the time she wasn’t with her imagining the possibilities of what they’d try next. Fern wasn’t her girlfriend and what they were doing wasn’t going to lead to a longtime commitment, but she had told Olivia that what they were doing was just having fun and that Olivia’s next woman would be grateful for all she had learned from her.

Sex was the topic of conversation for most high schoolers, but Olivia knew most ninth graders were all talk, except for her. She wasn’t immature and inexperienced. She was actually having sex regularly and she wanted to brag about it to her friends, but bragging would mean betraying Fern’s trust in her, so she kept their arrangement to herself. It was an arrangement that carried on for two years and Olivia wasn’t sure if it was love or obsession that she felt for Fern, but what she did know was that she never wanted to stop seeing her. 

Shortly after her seventeenth birthday was when Olivia noticed a change in Fern’s demeanor. “I’m seventeen now,” Olivia told her. “We don’t have to keep this a secret anymore.” But her statement was met with no response from Fern. 

Whenever they’d have sex, Olivia began to feel as if Fern wasn’t enjoying it the way she used to. It was more difficult for her to orgasm and soon there were times when she’d stop Olivia and tell her what she was doing wasn’t working anymore. Olivia began to feel inadequate and she blamed herself and it wasn’t long before Fern stopped asking her to come over and stopped calling her altogether. The one time when Olivia actually managed to get a hold of her, she was told, “Stop calling me. We’re finished. What we had was fun, but it’s time for you to move on.”

When she lost Fern, she felt as if she had lost herself. Her grades began to slip and, although she had once been the star on her JV girls’ basketball team and then eventually the varsity girls’ basketball team, she was cut from the team for missing practice and lashing out at her coach. Her mom tried to talk to her but she was met with the slamming of her bedroom door each time.

With the hope of seeing Fern, even if it were only for a second, Olivia visited her mom’s office after school. While waiting, she picked up a copy of the literary magazine on her mom’s desk that was put together every month by the graduate English department. She flipped through a few pages before she found a short story that Fern had submitted, a second-hand account of taking a teenage girl’s virginity－a girl named Ophelia. Enough had changed about the details of the girl’s age and appearance for Fern to argue that it wasn’t about Olivia and was in fact about a seventeen-year-old girl that she had created, but every detail of the girl’s reactions and what was done, mirrored the night Olivia lost her virginity. She felt dirty and violated knowing that the entire department was going to read about something that she had once considered so intimate and so special to her.

When she was alone in her room that night, she stripped her clothes off and stared at herself in her full-length mirror. She noticed her body had developed more since she was fifteen (as all girl’s bodies did) and she no longer had her baby face. While looking at her body in the mirror and remembering the words she had read in Fern’s story, it dawned on her that Fern had a fetish for young girls and she was no longer that virginal young girl that Fern wanted. Olivia was becoming a woman and, at seventeen, she had aged out of what Fern considered desirable.

It wasn’t the equivalent of her high school sweetheart breaking up with her before homecoming or her crush asking someone else to the movies. It wasn’t the heartbreak her friends were experiencing. As Olivia sat on the bedroom floor in her underwear, she realized she had never been loved by Fern. Rather, she had been systematically groomed and then taken advantage of by a predator for two years and then discarded as if nothing had ever happened between the two of them, as if she hadn’t given her virginity to her－what Olivia had once considered something special that she wanted to save for a girl she loved.

When Olivia began sobbing loudly and pounding her fists on the ground, Serena no longer cared about giving her daughter her privacy. She opened the door without knocking and rushed over to hold her daughter. For two years, Olivia had kept everything to herself, but she no longer felt a reason to protect Fern. She told her mother everything and Serena was hellbent on making sure Fern didn’t get away with what she had done. As Fern’s parents were one of Hudson University’s biggest donors and Fern was about to graduate in a few weeks, the administration decided not to take action, so after a long discussion with her fiance, Serena decided to turn in her resignation letter the next day and soon found a job at Columbia University. If Fern had been a man, Serena liked to think he’d be behind bars for what happened to Olivia, but since Fern was a woman and there was no proof that they had even been together, the case against Fern was dropped. She was now free to do to another unsuspecting young girl what she had done to Olivia. 

Everything about Olivia had changed. In the weeks after, she cut her long curly hair slightly above her shoulders and traded her trendy clothes for a grungier style. The music she listened to was angry and she had withdrawn from everyone but a select few people. Being used by Fern had made her feel like sex was all she was good for, so she began using it as a coping mechanism. She had arrangements with two women in their twenties and one in her early thirties and, with each encounter, she tried to recapture something she had once felt, but after it was over she was always left feeling empty.

Serena had wanted to put her daughter in therapy, but Olivia refused to go. Olivia was slipping further and further away from her, so when he saw his fiance crying, Bill suggested that they get married a year earlier and relocate Olivia to a new town and a new school so she could get a fresh start and a second chance at being a kid.

At a party a few weeks before the end of summer break, Tim introduced Olivia to Jenna thinking something good would come out of it, but all that resulted for Olivia was a new arrangement. They hooked up an hour later against the bathroom wall at the party. She wasn’t in between Fern’s expensive sheets at her trendy loft apartment or sipping champagne in a hot tub with a gorgeous view of the city like she was with the thirtysomething year-old. What the women Olivia was with lacked in affection, they made up for with great sex and interesting conversation, but Jenna wasn’t these women. What she experienced with her at the party was nothing special, but Olivia felt as if－because Jenna was her age and she was beautiful and kind－it could turn into something meaningful, so Olivia did what she had never done before and asked a girl out on a date. Jenna turned her down without a second thought. She told her she didn’t want a girlfriend and she didn’t want hearts and flowers and Friday night dates at the movies. Olivia wasn’t sure what she wanted, but to save face she told Jenna that she didn’t want to have a girlfriend either because she’d eventually be leaving for college, so they carried on with their arrangement until last weekend when Olivia had a little too much to drink and started crying in the middle of hooking up with Jenna. Jenna was her friend－not a particularly close friend, but a friend nonetheless and yet that night hooking up with her reminded Olivia of every meaningless arrangement she had before.

If she were sober, she wouldn’t have said anything, but the alcohol in her system made her let go of her inhibitions and tell Jenna the real reason she had moved to their small town. Their arrangement ended right then and there and it was the first time since she was fifteen-years-old that Olivia actually felt free. She wasn’t expected to perform for a woman sexually or act like a more seductive version of herself. She could be Olivia again, a typical high school girl, even if a few days were all that were left of her high school career.

She had a crush on Alex from the moment she saw her in their seventh period AP English class on the first day of school. Their teacher’s insistence on seating her students in alphabetical order meant Olivia was seated right next to Alex and, although she had caught Alex looking at her nearly every day, she couldn’t work up the nerve to talk to her. For all the experience she had with women, Alex was her first actual crush and she hadn’t the slightest clue how to approach her. Instead, Olivia allowed herself to get lost in a fantasy world whenever she laid in bed at night, a world in which Alex was her girlfriend and they did typical high school things together that Olivia had never experienced. Sometimes they went to the movies and Olivia worked up the nerve to hold her hand for the first time, other times they were at a school dance and Olivia kissed Alex while some cheesy slow song was playing.

With one day left until graduation, Olivia felt as if it was now or never. She had her girl, but it was the last day to give herself and her girl the experience they’ve both been wanting. The gifts she had given Alex in her first three classes were small yet meaningful, but in fourth period Olivia wanted to pull out all the stops. She had skipped her third period class to make a trip to a local toy store to buy a stuffed Care Bear because she had asked Casey in between classes what cartoon Alex liked as a kid. She tied a ribbon around Funshine Bear’s paw and attached two tickets to the Grad Nite dance. Olivia hadn’t intended on going to the dance, but when she heard the love songs on the mixtape Alex had made for her, she couldn’t stop thinking about slow dancing with Alex and bought the tickets right before her third period class, her third period class that she ended up missing so she could buy a Care Bear.

Olivia stood outside the door of Alex’s fourth period class along with Tim and their friend Travis. “Brainiac Barbie is in the first row,” Tim told Travis. “Easy access.”

“Liv, this morning you didn’t even know if you had the nerve to tell her you like her and now you’re making a total ass of yourself. How did you even come up with all of this in an hour?” Travis asked. “You’re lucky we know this song, Liv.”

“I came up with it because I finally found a girl worth making an ass of myself over. I can’t stop thinking about her,” Olivia responded. When the bell rang and everyone was getting settled, it was Travis and Tim’s cue to enter the classroom. “Don’t screw this up for me...and thanks.”

* * *

  
When there was no gift for her on her desk, Alex knew Olivia had to be up to something big. Was she going to save her surprise until lunchtime? Was she going to say something over the intercom? Alex wasn’t quite sure, but when she saw the two most popular guys in their entire school walk into her AP Calculus class, she knew it was Olivia’s doing. Tim Kranawetter and Travis Cooper may have been jocks, but they were both friendly, outgoing, and the type of guys to be nominated as class clown. As the two people in the entire school that Olivia was the closest to, Alex had a feeling she’d be spending a lot of time with them over the summer. 

“Singing gram for Miss Alexandra Cabot,” Travis said as they made their way over to her.

“Oh, for crying out loud,” Mr. Kranawetter shook his head. “Timothy…”

“Liv knows you’re the only girl for her and she wanted us to pass on this message ,” Tim said as the two of them stood at both sides of her desk. 

As they were when she received a gift at the start of each class period that day, all eyes were on Alex and she couldn’t stop smiling when Tim and Travis started to serenade her with “My Girl.” They may not have been the greatest singers she had ever heard, but they were having fun with the song and their choreography and the fact that Olivia was behind all of this made her feel like the luckiest girl in school. She had listened to that song on the oldies station whenever she was with her parents and ever since she was in middle school she’d wonder what it’d be like to have the type of teenage romance where her girlfriend would dedicate a cute song to her.

They may have just sang a minute of the song, but Alex was walking on air the entire time, and the feeling was intensified when Olivia walked into her classroom with a gift for her.

“Now all three of my stooges are here,” Mr. Kranawetter said, although all eyes were focused on Alex and Olivia.

Olivia handed Alex the Care Bear and Alex immediately gave the bear a squeeze. “I got you Funshine because you’re already filling my life with sunshine and it would brighten my world even more if you went to the Grad Nite dance with me.”

It was by far the cheesiest line she had ever heard, but Alex didn’t care. The nervousness in Olivia’s voice and the fact that she was already being so sincere about her feelings made Alex so overwhelmed with joy. “Yes, I’ll go with you!” she said excitedly.

“You will?” Olivia asked, almost in disbelief.

A verbal response wasn’t enough for Alex, so she set the bear down on the desk. The entire class was cheering her on and it gave her the nerve to hug Olivia as close as she could. “Yes, Olivia. I want to go with you!”

“I can’t believe I did this,” Olivia smiled. “I swear I’m never this cheesy.” When Olivia gave her a kiss on the cheek, Alex wanted nothing more than to savor the moment, but they were soon interrupted by Mr. Kranawetter. 

“Olivia, this couldn’t have waited until lunch?” Mr. Kranawetter asked his stepdaughter. He was trying to be stern with her, but Alex could have sworn she saw him smile.

“Matters of the heart can’t wait, Dad,” Tim responded for her.

Olivia reached for Alex’s hand. “I’ll pick you up in 45 minutes. I can’t wait to see you.”

“You’re still seeing her, Olivia. You haven’t left yet,” Mr. Kranawetter shook his head. As it was the last day of school, he decided to show them some leniency and issue hall passes to the three of them. “Moe, Larry, Curly, take these and get to class. I don’t want to find out either of you got detention on the last day of school.”

From the moment she left her classroom, Alex’s thoughts were already on Olivia. She may not have been her girlfriend, but she was already her girl and, in 45 minutes, she planned on having her first kiss with Olivia.


	5. The Pierced, Grungy Girl With the Infectious Smile

The forty-five minutes after Olivia had left her classroom dragged on for Alex. With their graded final exams handed out and no more work to be done, she and her classmates spent their time signing each other’s yearbooks and talking about their plans for summer. Alex had nothing in particular planned, but her intentions were to spend every single moment she could with her friends and with Olivia before she moved to Boston the first week of September. She wondered what her parents would say about all the time she’d spend with Olivia and she knew it wouldn’t be long before they became suspicious. Alex had the same core group of friends for years and the addition of another girl, particularly one that dressed the way Olivia did was sure to lead to some questions.

Mr. and Mrs. Cabot were liberal and accepting in the way that Mr. and Mrs. Southerlyn were. They had gay friends and gay co-workers that were near and dear to their heart, but a gay child－especially their daughter－was out of the question. Alex’s life had been planned since before she was even born and when she showed zero interest in dating during her high school years they were thrilled that she’d have one less distraction to deal with. Her parents just considered her a late bloomer, but that was expected to change once she got to Harvard. Alex knew her dad would try to play matchmaker and set her up with his friends’ sons, but Alex didn’t want some Harvard guy who would grow up to be like his father and his father before him, nor did she want the female version of that. What Alex wanted was the pierced, grungy girl with the infectious smile that was currently waiting for her outside of her fourth period classroom.

“How are you already here? Did you end up ditching fourth period?” Alex asked once the bell rang and class was dismissed. She had expected to wait a couple of minutes for Olivia to arrive and then the two of them would go over to the cafeteria to grab lunch, but Olivia had already picked up two personal pizzas for them.

“My US Gov teacher let us out twenty minutes early,” Olivia explained while they walked from the classroom to Tim and Olivia’s favorite spot to eat lunch. “He said all of our classes today are pretty much holding cells so there was no need to keep us the entire class period. Pizza day is always crazy at this school so I snuck into the line for the freshman and sophomore lunch.”

“You have to show your student ID,” Alex reminded her. “They’d know you’re a senior from your blue ID card. Olivia, what did you－”

“I know how to take care of things,” Olivia smirked. “The lady who checked my ID card has worked at this school since the late ‘60s and remembered when my mom was a student here, so she let me stay in line and buy two pizzas instead of one. I know you don’t want to sit at my table, so I’m taking you to my favorite spot on this campus. We technically shouldn’t have access since there’s no game or practice, but I arranged something.”

“You arranged something? Who are you and how do you have so many connections at this school?” Alex asked jokingly. “I feel like I’m in one of those mafia movies where the girlfriend is taken in by her new boyfriend’s glamorous lifestyle only to figure out his lifestyle is a result of organized crime.”

“If you feel this way about two personal pizzas, your mind is gonna be blown by the two bottles of Gatorade I have in my backpack.”

“Oh, now you’re just showing off,” Alex laughed.

“You caught me,” Olivia responded. “But I can assure you I’m not involved in organized crime. If I were, my girl would also have the breadsticks and dipping sauce on the side.”

Alex wasn’t sure what to expect from Tim and Olivia’s favorite spot, but when she saw they were approaching the football field, she realized she should have known considering Olivia’s closest friends were jocks. 

“I grabbed a blanket from my trunk and stuffed it in my backpack,” Olivia told her. “Tim, Travis, and I have picnics here when we want to get away from everyone and this is probably going to sound lame but I’ve always wanted to bring you here and have a picnic with you.”

“That’s not lame,” Alex said as she squeezed her hand. “It’s sweet. I think of things I want to do with you, too, like go on dates and all the ways I want to kiss you.”

“Tell me more about that last part.”

“Olivia,” Alex blushed. “How about if I show you instead?”

Alex was nervous about kissing Olivia, so instead she had tried to set up the perfect invitation for Olivia and hope that she’d get the hint. She knew Olivia was experienced with girls, so she was taken aback when Olivia opened the gate to the football field and didn’t even attempt to make a move.

“I’m not going to kiss you, Alex, not right now,” Olivia said as she closed the gate behind them. “I want to kiss you more than I have ever wanted to kiss anyone, but I can tell you’re nervous and if a girl is nervous it’s because she’s not ready. You don’t have to kiss me or do anything else if you’re not completely ready. I’m happy just talking to you.”

Alex opted for a kiss on the cheek. “Again, who are you? Judging by what Jenna told me－”

“You talked to Jenna Crossley about me?” She noticed Olivia’s demeanor start to change. She was no longer playful with Alex. Instead, she was just pensive while she waited for her to respond.

“Jenna started talking to me before first period,” Alex managed to say while Olivia set the blanket down. “She recognized your shirt.”

Olivia patted the blanket to motion for Alex to sit down. “Can I ask what she told you?”

“She told me about an arrangement the two of you had,” Alex responded, unsure of how much she should actually reveal.

When Olivia laced her fingers with hers, Alex wanted to comment on how perfect they fit together, but with Olivia avoiding any type of eye contact with her, she decided to keep that comment to herself.

Olivia gently squeezed her hand. “We did have an arrangement. I asked her out during the summer and she turned me down, so we kept it casual with no feelings involved. I’ve had these arrangements with a few women before I moved here. It was all just sex with no feelings involved, except for my first who I thought I was in love with. She’s kind of the reason I moved here. I’ll tell you about her some other time, but you don’t have to worry. I’m clean. I got tested the other day.” Alex noticed Olivia’s eyes grow wide. “Not－not because I thought I had to. Once my first arrangement ended, I got tested regularly for my own peace of mind and the peace of mind of the women I’m with.”

She wasn’t sure if it’d be a welcomed gesture, but Alex decided to rest her head on Olivia’s shoulder. “Well, the current woman you’re with thinks that is very considerate of you. I’d like to tell you I’ve done the same, but I’m a virgin, so…”

“Why do you say it like that?” Olivia asked her. “Technically, we’re adults, but we’re still in high school. So what if you’re still a virgin? Whether or not to have sex is a personal decision every girl has to make for herself and no one can tell her when the time is right for her. In fact, I  _ wish  _ I was still a virgin. Instead of being sexually active, it’d be nice to just sexually  _ deactivate _ .”

Alex held onto her while her head rested on Olivia’s shoulder. “You can temporarily deactivate, claim a second virginity, and then reactivate.”

“Oh, really?” Olivia laughed. “Is that how it works?”

“Virginity is technically just a social construct,” Alex responded. “I’ve never done anything even remotely sexual with a woman, so that’s how I know I’m a virgin by anyone’s standards, but what constitutes losing your virginity when you’re a lesbian?”

“I know that’s a rhetorical question, but in the words of our valedictorian, Miss Alexandra Cabot, ‘How about if I show you instead?’”

“Olivia!” Alex blushed. 

Olivia kissed Alex’s temple and then scooted over on the blanket so that she was sitting directly in front of Alex. She reached for Alex’s hands, hoping to sound as sincere as possible. “I don’t want to sleep with you, Alex.”

Alex tried not to be offended. “You don’t?”

Olivia let go of Alex and covered her own face with her hands. “I’m sorry. That came out wrong.”

“So, you  _ do _ want to sleep with me?” Alex asked. She was well aware of what Olivia meant, but the girl that her friends insisted wasn’t into hearts and flowers was currently coming unglued and Alex thought she looked far too cute to resist.

Olivia uncovered her face and Alex felt herself nearly melt when she saw Olivia smile. She waited for a response and maybe she gave her one, but all Alex could hear was the sound of her own heart racing in her ears. Her adrenaline was pumping and, with the precious few moments of their lunch period passing by, she felt like it was now or never and she hoped with all she had that she didn’t mess this moment up. 

...but while she worked up the nerve, Olivia leaned in and pressed her lips to Alex’s. She had only truly known Olivia for a few hours, but never before had she felt so connected to someone. In that twenty seconds she was kissing her, nothing else mattered. The next day she’d be on that very football field－on a stage－giving her speech as valedictorian surrounded by faculty members, the rest of her graduating class, and their families, but none of that mattered during those twenty seconds. Harvard didn’t matter. Her career goal to be a lawyer and all that she had sacrificed since she was five years old to be the top of her class didn’t matter. Reality could wait. Their futures in Boston and Seattle could wait because, in that moment, kissing the girl of her dreams on a blanket on the football field at her small town high school made her feel the most alive she had ever felt.

“That was my first kiss,” Alex said as her heart continued to race. Their lips were still just centimeters away from each others and Alex hoped Olivia couldn’t tell that she wasn’t sure where she should put her hands, but just as she did when they kissed, Olivia took the initiative and cupped Alex’s face in her hands.

“Your first kiss...ever?”

“Ever.” 

Olivia pressed her lips to hers again. “There’s your second kiss.” She braced for Olivia to tease her or even brag about being her first, but instead Olivia became even more playful than before and kissed her again. “There’s your third. Your fourth through 400th will be after we eat something.”

Olivia handed her one of the personal pizzas. They were small－about six inches in diameter－and came in a little Pizza Hut box. They made Alex nostalgic for her childhood, when she and her older brother would get certificates for free pizzas from school for achieving the reading goals for their grade levels. Alex was in kindergarten, Harrison was in second grade, and Josh was only a year old. Alex had considered them simpler times in her life until that very moment when she realized a kindergartener shouldn’t have had her Barbies taken away for not getting the lead in the Christmas pageant or for not performing up to her parents’ standards academically. There were no tests in kindergarten. There were no letter grades or report cards, yet at five years old Alex was already experiencing anxiety attacks for not living up to the standards her parents had set for her. 

“Did you have Book It when you were a kid?” Olivia asked, bringing Alex out of her train of thought. “Nevermind. Tim did so that means you did, too.”

Olivia had a small remnant of pizza sauce on her lower lip and Alex took it upon herself to kiss it off of her. “That was my fourth kiss and, yes, I was actually just thinking about Book It. I remember getting the certificates as a little kid.”

“Me, too,” Olivia responded. “Tim and I were talking about it the other day and we believe, because of that program, Pizza Hut is now so embedded in our childhood memories and has created brand loyalty for our whole generation. Our parents have found a way to continue the program in the Benson/Kranawetter household and actually get Tim and me excited about reading. They only buy us pizza for dinner if we’ve finished a book in our English class and do a brief verbal analysis. My mom is an English professor so she could see right through us if we’re lying, but it’s like ‘Hey, Mom. I finished  _ Frankenstein. _ ’ or ‘Mom, guess what. I finished  _ A Tale of Two Cities _ .’ We know we can just get pizza at school or with our friends, but after we finish a book we go as a family. As lame as it sounds, Tim and I actually like family night and spending time with our parents. My mom is so smart and, even though she hates my piercings, she’s still just exponentially cooler than me. And my stepdad is the biggest dork, but in a fun way. He’s always telling the worst dad jokes. You’re in two of his classes, so I’m sure you know what I’m talking about.”

Alex’s thoughts shifted to what Olivia’s homelife must be like and it made her happy to know that her girl came from such a loving, supportive environment even if she herself wasn’t able to experience a close-knit family.

“Mr. Kranawetter tells exactly the kind of jokes that you’d expect a math teacher to tell,” Alex smiled. “But he knows how to make his students feel comfortable and enjoy his class. He’s my favorite teacher. He wrote one of my letters of rec for Harvard. My brother Harrison had him, too.”

Olivia pulled the Gatorade bottles out of her backpack and held them up for Alex to choose. “Are you more of a Lemon Lime or Fruit Punch girl?”

“Lemon Lime,” Alex responded. 

“Perfect because I’m more of a Fruit Punch girl myself,” Olivia said as she handed Alex the bottle of Lemon Lime Gatorade. “...and seeing as you kissed the pizza sauce off of my lips, we don’t even need napkins. Very earth-friendly of you.”

“How do you do it?”

“Do what?”

“Make me smile in a way that no one else can.”

Olivia tried unsuccessfully to move some strands of her wavy hair out of her face, but the breeze blew them right back to where they were, causing Alex to smile even more. “Maybe it’s my compulsive adorable syndrome. It’s a blessing and a curse. Around you, it’s a blessing. Around the guys, it’s just a reason for them to rag on me.”

“Olivia?”

“You can call me Liv,” she responded. “We’ve kissed four times, so I think you’ve earned the right.”

Alex knew Olivia was trying to make her laugh, but she was too nervous to see the humor in what she had said. “There was something else Jenna told me.”

“...okay?”

“Casey heard that you were going to Hudson, but Jenna told me this morning that you were moving to Seattle.”

Alex noticed Olivia’s demeanor change yet again. “It was a toss up between the two,” Olivia began. “At first, I chose Hudson because, at the time, all I wanted was to go back home and be with my friends, but it doesn’t feel like home anymore, you know? No matter how many times I go back there, it’ll never be home again and I’ll never be the girl I was before I left and if I can’t go back then I might as well just go forward.”

“So that’s why you’re moving clear across the country?”

Olivia averted her eyes. “It’s more complicated than that and I’m not sure if I’m ready to tell you.”

“Liv?”

“Yeah?”

“I didn’t know the girl you were, but I really like the girl you are.”

It was then that Alex received her fifth kiss and a number of kisses that she could no longer keep track of, but merely kissing Olivia wasn’t enough for her anymore. It had happened too quickly for her to recall exactly who had made the first move, but in a matter of seconds she had gone from sitting in front of Olivia to the two of them lying next to each other. She’d never have admitted it, but the thought of making out with a girl had made her nervous. She wasn’t sure where she was supposed to put her hands or if she would even know how to makeout, but with Olivia all of the nervousness disappeared and feeling her body against Olivia’s just felt right.

Olivia’s hand was underneath the back of her shirt and Alex revelled in the feeling of Olivia’s fingertips lightly brushing against her skin. “There’s something I want to ask you...”

“Anything,” Alex responded, leaning in for another kiss.

“I can honestly say that I like making out with you more than I’ve ever liked making out with anyone, but there’s something I want to ask you before we continue.”

Alex wasn’t sure what to expect, but she was already prepared for the worst. “Ask me, Liv.”

Sensing Alex was nervous, Olivia kissed her cheek. “I don’t want an arrangement with you or any other girl,” Olivia began. “I want one girl and one girl only and I want your kisses to be mine and only mine because I promise mine will only be for you.”

“Olivia Benson, are you asking me to be your girlfriend?”

“No,” Olivia smiled. “I mean, not yet, but I will in time. I’ve never had a girlfriend before and I know you haven’t either and I want to ask you in some special way that I’m going to start planning because I want it to be perfect. What I’m asking right now is if we could see each other exclusively?”

Alex laughed into the crook of Olivia’s neck. “You’re so cute.”

“I’m not!” Olivia responded.

“You are! Especially because you think I could ever kiss another girl after kissing you.”

“Oh yeah?” Olivia asked playfully. “What if some cute, sophisticated Harvard girl asks you out?”

“If some cute, sophisticated Harvard girl asked me out, I’d tell her that my girl is in Seattle and my kisses and my everything belong only to her.”

“Your everything?” Olivia asked in between kisses. “I like the sound of that.”

“I just wish you weren’t leaving me in three months. At least if you were at Hudson, we could see each other once a month or maybe every other weekend.” Alex regretted those words as soon as she said them. It had only been a few hours since she and Olivia started talking and the last thing she wanted was for Olivia to think she was clingy.  _ Then again, she already asked me to see her exclusively. She’s going to be just as clingy as I am. _

As Olivia held her close, Alex took in the scent of strawberry shampoo and ck one. The combination was comforting and she wondered if that was the scent she’d think of when she spent her first sleepless night in her dorm at Harvard, when her mind was racing with thoughts of Olivia. 

“My girl,” Olivia said softly. “I’m leaving this town and I’m leaving this state just like you are, but I’m not leaving you. The end of the summer does not mean the end of us. I promise you.”

Just as Olivia was about to kiss her again, they were interrupted by the sound of the bell ringing. “We should go now,” Alex groaned.

“Do you want to?”

“No.”

“Then don’t go,” Olivia told her. “We’ll stay here and I’ll hold you.”

“I have your stepdad again for sixth period,” Alex pointed out. “It’s his AP Stats class. He’s going to know I’m with you.”

“Cool, then you can just blame me for it and you’re fine.”

There were a few more kisses over the next hour, but Alex spent most of the time just being held by Olivia and getting to know her. Alex had been absent a couple of times when she was sick, but it was her first time actually ditching class－her first time ditching class and her first kiss with her first (soon to be) girlfriend, but she knew her 720th and final day of high school was only the beginning. She’d soon have the entire summer to spend falling in love with her pierced, grungy girl with the infectious smile.


End file.
